Smootch the Australian Rainbow Lori Kicks My Dad’s Butt And Claims His Popcorn

My Pops, Dino Garner, an ex-Army Ranger with 1/75, and his life partner, SallyT (soooo cool!), have this rad Australian rainbow lorikeet that SallyT named Smootch ‘cos he loves loves loves to kiss kiss kiss.

Smootch’s philosophy is simple: “What’s mine is mine. What’s yours is mine.”

Pops was editing my book, WTF, Dorkus! Schoolin’ My Shrink On Teen Suicide, and had just sat down with his huuuuumungous bowl of popcorn, when Smootch rappelled down from his hut, sprinted across the living room, ran up the couch and onto Pops’ shoulder, and claimed Pops’ huge bowl of popcorn as his own feast. And that was just a snack for Smootch.

See the video below to learn what happened.

Poor Pops lost a quart of blood and his dignity, while Smootch ate the popcorn then crapped all over Pops’ fave pillow in the bedroom as an exclamation point and a reminder to Pops that whatever is his belongs to Smooch.

What’s funny as all is that just this morning Pops told SallyT that he and Smootch had come to a higher place in their relationship, and that Pops now knew all Smootch’s triggers.


Pops got schooled today, methinks.

You go, Smootch! Yayyyyyy!

Ranger Garner, you best rest up for the next round with Smootch. You’re gonna need it, Hero.

See the vid here: SmootchBitesDino